(Historical post - 2015)
Much to my delight, we are currently in the grips of a remake/reboot phase - especially when it comes to horror movies.
Given that the recent remakes of A Nightmare on Elm Street, Evil Dead and especially Halloween, are now in my list of favourite films of all time, I thought we were on a winning streak - I have never been more wrong about anything in my entire life.
In fact, I felt the need to publicly apologies to my friends after making them see the god awful remake of Poltergeist this weekend.
I have never before laughed so much whilst watching a horror film - in fact that pisses me off immensely, so much so that I once shouted at an entire cinema once, because the bastards ruined a horror film I was watching, by giggling the whole way through (I had consumed a couple of Long Island Iced Teas before hand and I was in Romford - you can take the girl out of Essex and all that doesn't really apply here I was in Essex, I'm from Essex; I acted accordingly)
Anyway my point is, this film was SHOCKING, so shocking it was just funny.
That's not what supernatural horror is supposed to be like, comedy splatter horror, yes, but that's a completely different animal to something that's supposed to make your hair stand on end.
Needless to say, I will never live this down, I never get to pick the movie we go and see and this has proven exactly why I'm not allowed to shoulder such huge responsibility. I will never complain again.
It may have been because we were all slightly hyperactive, or that my particularly hilarious friend was on top form on the drive there, so we were already in stupid moods, but then, I saw Insidious with the same people and still completely shit myself. So obviously I'm clutching at straws here.
I so badly wanted this film to be good, I wanted it to be like all the other remakes have been - an amazing film with new life breathed into it that makes it 100 times better. This just didn't happen.
I reasoned with myself, that what was innovative and brown pants scary in 1982, was just ridiculous and laughable in 2015, and I think I hit the nail on the head.
Being sucked into the TV set and the whole 'This house is Clear' crap, has been rehashed and mocked so mercilessly by pop culture in the last decade or so, that we're de-sensitised to it - its not the creepy experience it used to be; it just triggers Family Guy and Ace Ventura flashbacks.
I remember Poltergeist being one of the first horror films I watched at maybe 8 or 9 years old - so 8 or 9 years after its initial release, it scared the living shit out of me and none of it seemed ridiculous, it was and still is one of my all time favourite films, but this poor attempt at a remake was just a stupid idea from the start.
They tried so hard to make things relevant and update them it was cringey - some things are just better left alone and this is case in point.
Yes they made the TV a huge flat screen, they made use of drones and iPhones and they removed the unusually nasal fatty midget and replaced her with a respectable English actor, but dressed him like a flasher and gave him the worst Irish accent I've heard since The Boondock Saints!
The best course of action here, would have been not to bother at all.
The writing was poor, the acting even worse (I cant even begin to talk about Sam Rockwell without the words 'Career Suicide' flashing in front of my eyes) the score was lazy and pointless - it may as well have been silent because it did nothing to bring home the scare like it should - just look at 'It Follows' for the best horror score in history and you will see what I mean.
It's plain to see, that the remakes I mentioned earlier have been so good because the person who got hold of them and gave them new life, actually gave a crap - they were clearly indulging their passion - this however was clearly just Sam bloody Raimi making some more money - well gutted mate, because its a box office bomb.
I think the problem we have here is that he made such a wonderful, blood soaked, amazing job of rebooting Evil Dead, then got a little too big for his boots and assembled the shittest writer/director team ever witnessed and ruined a piece of horror history forever more.
Shame on you! Evil Dead was totally yours to mess with and the gamble paid off massively but Poltergeist should have been left in the 80's.
Much to my delight, we are currently in the grips of a remake/reboot phase - especially when it comes to horror movies.
Given that the recent remakes of A Nightmare on Elm Street, Evil Dead and especially Halloween, are now in my list of favourite films of all time, I thought we were on a winning streak - I have never been more wrong about anything in my entire life.
In fact, I felt the need to publicly apologies to my friends after making them see the god awful remake of Poltergeist this weekend.
I have never before laughed so much whilst watching a horror film - in fact that pisses me off immensely, so much so that I once shouted at an entire cinema once, because the bastards ruined a horror film I was watching, by giggling the whole way through (I had consumed a couple of Long Island Iced Teas before hand and I was in Romford - you can take the girl out of Essex and all that doesn't really apply here I was in Essex, I'm from Essex; I acted accordingly)
Anyway my point is, this film was SHOCKING, so shocking it was just funny.
That's not what supernatural horror is supposed to be like, comedy splatter horror, yes, but that's a completely different animal to something that's supposed to make your hair stand on end.
Needless to say, I will never live this down, I never get to pick the movie we go and see and this has proven exactly why I'm not allowed to shoulder such huge responsibility. I will never complain again.
It may have been because we were all slightly hyperactive, or that my particularly hilarious friend was on top form on the drive there, so we were already in stupid moods, but then, I saw Insidious with the same people and still completely shit myself. So obviously I'm clutching at straws here.
I so badly wanted this film to be good, I wanted it to be like all the other remakes have been - an amazing film with new life breathed into it that makes it 100 times better. This just didn't happen.
I reasoned with myself, that what was innovative and brown pants scary in 1982, was just ridiculous and laughable in 2015, and I think I hit the nail on the head.
Being sucked into the TV set and the whole 'This house is Clear' crap, has been rehashed and mocked so mercilessly by pop culture in the last decade or so, that we're de-sensitised to it - its not the creepy experience it used to be; it just triggers Family Guy and Ace Ventura flashbacks.
I remember Poltergeist being one of the first horror films I watched at maybe 8 or 9 years old - so 8 or 9 years after its initial release, it scared the living shit out of me and none of it seemed ridiculous, it was and still is one of my all time favourite films, but this poor attempt at a remake was just a stupid idea from the start.
They tried so hard to make things relevant and update them it was cringey - some things are just better left alone and this is case in point.
Yes they made the TV a huge flat screen, they made use of drones and iPhones and they removed the unusually nasal fatty midget and replaced her with a respectable English actor, but dressed him like a flasher and gave him the worst Irish accent I've heard since The Boondock Saints!
The best course of action here, would have been not to bother at all.
The writing was poor, the acting even worse (I cant even begin to talk about Sam Rockwell without the words 'Career Suicide' flashing in front of my eyes) the score was lazy and pointless - it may as well have been silent because it did nothing to bring home the scare like it should - just look at 'It Follows' for the best horror score in history and you will see what I mean.
It's plain to see, that the remakes I mentioned earlier have been so good because the person who got hold of them and gave them new life, actually gave a crap - they were clearly indulging their passion - this however was clearly just Sam bloody Raimi making some more money - well gutted mate, because its a box office bomb.
I think the problem we have here is that he made such a wonderful, blood soaked, amazing job of rebooting Evil Dead, then got a little too big for his boots and assembled the shittest writer/director team ever witnessed and ruined a piece of horror history forever more.
Shame on you! Evil Dead was totally yours to mess with and the gamble paid off massively but Poltergeist should have been left in the 80's.